Get off the negativity train because people don’t like you.
Real talk. We all let ourselves dive down rabbit holes of negativity. We worry that people think we’re stupid, or that our clothes are ugly. We tell ourselves we’re too fat or too stupid. We bitch and moan about the annoying and frustrating aspects of our lives. But let me tell you something, you have GOT to get out of that rabbit hole because the unfortunate truth is the more negative you are, the more people straight up don’t like you.
Now that might seem a little obvious. If all you do is complain, people will be less inclined to want to spend their time around you. Negativity is toxic. I’ll say that one more time for the people in the back. NEGATIVITY IS TOXIC. No one and I repeat NO ONE wants to spend their time listening to you complain about how unfair life is or how you’ve been wronged by yet another person or situation. We’ve been told since the beginning life isn’t fair so why is it such a bitter pill to swallow?
In this day and age, self care, positive mindset, and positive thinking are all the rage. There’s a reason. Because it works! Now I’m not here to tell you the only way to be happy is to become a devoted yogi who only eats granola and thinks sunshine is the definition of happiness. But if that is your jam, more power to you! No, I’m here to tell you that you can be frustrated with something or upset and not let it ruin your entire outlook on life.
“Did you have a terrible day? Or did you have a terrible 5 minutes that you let ruin your whole day?”
That line speaks truer to me than anything. I am certainly guilty of stewing over something not worth my time and letting it disrupt far more than just my work day. I have dove head first into that rabbit hole and made it my home. It wasn’t until I started therapy that I realized that recurring action. And you want to know what helped? Simply being aware. Self awareness is a true gift and I value it wholeheartedly. By being aware of my tendency to dive, I am able to pull myself out quickly and even sometimes not dive down at all.
If you’re wondering how to do this for yourself or if you’ve been taken aback by my admission of therapy let me tell you this. Therapy is, by far, the most valuable time I’ve spent in my entire life. I personally grew up with the mentality that therapy was for the deeply depressed or the insane. Fun fact, it’s not. Therapy is a safe haven to literally go spill your guts out and then walk away feeling refreshed and at ease. I believe every single person should see a therapist, regardless of mental illness. Therapy truly is the outlet I never knew I needed.
Do you HAVE to go to therapy? Of course not. Fun fact, you are in charge of you and no one can really make you do anything you don’t want to. Some are restricted by finances or insurance and I totally relate. But if you have it in your insurance plan and you’re considering it, DO IT. You may have to explore a few therapists before you find the right one but when you do, it’ll be a relationship that you hold very close to your heart.
If therapy is out of the question, or you already attend therapy and you want a few more ways to stop being a Negative Nancy then I have a few other pointers as well.
THE WORLD IS NOT OUT TO GET YOU
We all know this type of Negative Nancy. The person who no matter the situation, they are the victim. Now, I don’t like to use the word victim too much because there are people who experience true tragedy and have survived those traumas and deserve to feel everything they need to get through it. That is not who I’m talking to. No, this is for the person who takes every opportunity to find a way in which they were wronged. It doesn’t matter how small or petty the situation may be. This particular Negative Nancy lets getting cut off in traffic ruin their day. This person may also be that one lady in the office who still goes by kindergarten rules that if you bring a treat, everyone should get one. Realistically that is just not the way the world is going to work. If someone brings a tray of brownies and you didn’t get to them fast enough, unfortunately that’s just life. There is no conniving plan to make sure you didn’t get to have a brownie. There was no message sent out to the entire office saying to make sure they all took brownies so you didn’t get one. NO! The world is NOT out to get you. Sometimes things fall in your favor, sometimes they do not. Come to this reality sooner rather than later and be thankful you didn’t consume the extra calories. Find that silver lining!
JOURNAL OUT THOSE FEELINGS
Everybody needs an outlet, I get that. If I’m not pouring out my annoyances at therapy you best believe I’m doing it at happy hour with my bests. But it comes to a point where even your best friends may not want to hear how annoyed you are that your neighbor still hasn’t cleaned up their lawn. Sometimes this just requires the realization that hey, people can suck. If you are still needing to work through all your negative feelings before moving on I highly recommend finding a way to journal them out. Now I journal in a less conventional way. Sometimes I am jotting things down in my bullet journal. Other times I’m ranting via a blog post.. See what I did there. Sometimes I paint snarky quotes and make funny sayings look pretty. Whatever your “journaling” method may be, find it and use it. You’ll be thankful you were able to pour out your anger sharks without annoying your friends.
Another great benefit to journaling and a practice I think everyone should take up is the attitude of gratitude. If you start pointing out the things you are thankful for each day, the positivity will begin to outshine the terrible day you had at work today. This all goes with being aware of the good and not solely focusing on the inconvenient. Notice how I didn’t say bad? Like I’ve already said there are traumas and trials you will go through that simply “being positive” will not overcome. But those inconveniences you face on the daily that you let ruin your whole day, THOSE are things you can extinguish with a little gratitude. Try it, I promise you’ll see a difference!
GO TO THERAPY
I know I mentioned this already but I could scream it from the rooftops! I am such a firm believer in therapy and the benefits it has brought to my life over the past year have been insurmountable. I personally need my feelings to be validated before I can move on. Venting has always been my best outlet. I love bitching about something and the person listening coming in in firm agreement. Therapy will (almost) always give me that! It provides an empathy I so desperately need to dig myself out of the rabbit hole. So again, if you have the ability to go to therapy please do!
WHY THIS IS ALL SO IMPORTANT
The best thing in life are friends and family and having a tribe that you can lean on. If you refuse to dig yourself out of the hole Negative Nancy put you in, girl I promise you, you are going to lose the people you so desperately need. Because I’ll say it once and I’ll say it again. NO ONE LIKES A NEGATIVE NANCY and NO ONE I repeat NO ONE will choose to spend their time with you if all you bring is that toxic negativity. You don’t want that. You want your people, you NEED your people.
This may require self reflection you don’t feel like doing, but I’m telling you the benefits will be outstanding. Uncomfortable maybe, because you may realize that you really are the thing standing in the way, but once you’ve made that realization you can move forward and improve. It is also important to love yourself dude. You are amazing and have your own ways of being amazing. You wouldn’t have been created any other way. Don’t let something so trivial as negativity about this unfair world ruin the life you’re living. You only get one you know.
Sending you good vibes of love and nachos - Steph